Colorado Musings – Should Darcy Tucker be a Member of Society?
February 13, 2009, by Homme De Sept-Iles
Montreal 4 at Colorado 2
Warning: This at times satirical stream-of-consciousness game-account contains supernatural intervention
First Period
Saku Koivu with Alex Kovalev and Tom Kostopoulos to start the game. When things really get desperate, we reunite the two players that understand each other best. I always like it when they are together. I mean Koivu and Kovalev, of course.
If a losing streak is short, Kovalev is the first to be blamed. As the streak gets longer the blame list expands …last on the list; Carbonneau and then Gainey.
The fans and media are, of course, blameless.
Just too much playing along the boards and circling back as one gets close to the net.
Tony Granato as a head coach. My first (and only) LOL of the game. More than a dry titter and almost a troll’s chuckle.
C’est les joueurs français qui apporte beaucoup de courage et intensité ces jours-la.
Second Period
Suddenly, unexpectedly, the ghost of Conn Smythe appears in front of me and hands me a scroll. With a solemn wink he advises me to publish it. After examining it for authenticity, I decide that this message from one of the gods of hockey must be shared.
Here it is in its unedited, original state.
Should Darcy Tucker be a Member of Society?
By Conn Smythe
There has been plenty of debate and discussion, much of it animated, as to whether Darcy Tucker, former Toronto Maple Leave, should be allowed to remain a member of society.
Most recently his under-punished run at Montreal Canadien Patrice Brisebois is in the spotlight.
In the middle of the second period of Friday night’s Colorado Avalanche-Montreal Canadiens matchup and after the whistle, the skill-anemic thug took a dangerous cheap shot at Brisebois’ head. Tucker skated full-speed toward the Montreal defender, stick high in the hopes of catching Brisebois in the head. Fortunately, he missed.
The resulting two-minute penalty and nothing more is another example of the NHL’s continued weak-willed hypocrisy and double-standard when addressing the continued violence from the cavemen of the league towards its more elegant and skilled members.
Tucker’s track record speaks for itself. Entering the 2008-09 season, he collected 1341 penalty minutes to 202 goals. And, I’m sure we can agree, most of those goals were simply long-time Tucker linemate Mats Sundin’s gravy.
What redeeming qualities does this violent player possess? In one of the major courts of public opinion; the Google search, we see that Tucker grades out quite poorly. Typing in Darcy Tucker’s redeeming qualities (in quotes) results in zero hits. The same search using George W. Bush gets four hits.
Do your math. [ed note: If certain Republicans do math like this, why wouldn't Conn Smythe? Why shouldn't Conn Smythe?]
Perhaps it’s time for Tucker to relinquish his given name, pack up his stick and liniment and head to the mountain crags where he belongs.
* * *
A story from a great, great man who has taken time out from his busy post-life schedule must certainly be reflected upon (even if his logic is a bit dated).
As I do so, Andrei Markov’s stick breaks on a point-shot and he is forced to defend on a Colorado rush without his stick.
I imagine Dick Irvin saying, “A quick-thinking Halak tosses Markov his goal-stick.”
It doesn’t happen. And I wonder if the odd thought is a last gift from Smythe.
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