Hey Jimmy, Billy, Bobby, Danny, Freddy, Davey, Tommy, Ralphie and Ricky! Are You A Real Hockey Fan?
November 16, 2009, by Homme De Sept-Iles
Have you ever left your hockey-clad son in a running automobile in order to run in and get donuts from Timmy’s?
Have you ever told your wife to shut up during the game using the word f**king to intensify your point?
Have you ever claimed that three seasons of “Double A” hockey makes you more qualified than the other three high-cholesterol windmills at the table?
Do you believe that playing back-catcher is as tough as being a goaltender?
Do you believe that you can track a puck better than most Leaf goalies?
Are you certain you’re better-informed on Canadian immigration than the local college economics professor?
Do you drink a specific Labatt product and think any other beer is for sissies?
Are you against the shootout?
Do you think Gordie Howe was better than Wayne Gretzky? Way better?
Do you think Don Cherry had a point?
Do you drink a specific Molson product and think any other beer is for sissies?
Are you convinced that the black athlete should stick to basketball?
Do you think Alan Eagleson is misunderstood?
Are you clear that the Montreal Canadiens got their 24 Stanley Cups because of an obscure rule which allowed them to draft (those admittedly lower-class Quebec players)?
Do you look around the arena to see if any ragheads still have their hat on during the anthem?
Have you purchased any John Deere products in the last five years?
Do you think big-city types should just stay in the city and stop asking for funding for gosh-sakes?
Could you be convinced that Tony Esposito would do a better job than Gary Bettman?
Are your season-ticket memories clear evidence that the Battle of Alberta was greater than the Battle of Quebec?
Do you hate composite sticks?
Are you positive that you could skate circles, squares, figure-eights and ovals around Hayley Wickenheiser (well, maybe not figure-eights)?
Have you and your family ancestors been in Canada since before confederation?
Congratulations, Jimmy, Billy, Bobby, Danny, Freddy, Davey, Tommy, Ralphie and Ricky! Please leave your resume with the person at the entrance and we’ll get back to you. Yes, we understand that “back in the day” people didn’t hand out high-falutin’ resumes. Your currently disconnected phone number will be fine.
Hey Jimmy, Billy, Bobby, Danny, Freddy, Davey, Tommy, Ralphie, Ricky! Are You A Real Hockey Fan?
Have you ever left your hockey-clad son in a running automobile in order to run in and get donuts from Timmy’s?
Have you ever told your wife to shut up during the game using the word f**king to intensify your point?
Have you ever claimed that three seasons of “Double A” hockey makes you more qualified than the other three high-cholesterol windmills at the table?
Do you believe that playing back-catcher is as tough as being a goaltender?
Do you believe that you can track a puck better than most Leaf goalies?
Are you certain you’re better-informed on Canadian immigration than the local college economics professor?
Do you drink a specific Labatt product and think any other beer is for sissies?
Are you against the shootout?
Do you think Gordie Howe was better than Wayne Gretzky? Way better?
Do you think Don Cherry had a point?
Do you drink a specific Molson product and think any other beer is for sissies?
Are you convinced that the black athlete should stick to basketball?
Do you think Alan Eagleson is misunderstood?
Are you clear that the Montreal Canadiens got their 24 Stanley Cups because of an obscure rule which allowed them to draft (those admittedly lower-class Quebec players)?
Do you look around the arena to see if any ragheads still have their hat on during the anthem?
Have you purchased any John Deere products in the last five years?
Do you think big-city types should just stay in the city and stop asking for funding for gosh-sakes?
Could you be convinced that Tony Esposito would do a better job than Gary Bettman?
Are your season-ticket memories clear evidence that the Battle of Alberta was greater than the Battle of Quebec?
Do you hate composite sticks?
Are you positive that you could skate circles, squares, figure-eights and ovals around Hayley Wickenheiser (well, maybe not figure-eights)?
Have you and your family ancestors been in Canada since before confederation?
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2 comments
Well, thank you for including me in your title:)
I will not follow up with Jimmy – but prefer Timmy… Horton’s!
You won’t catch me in the drive thru lineup though…
Here is my tribute to Montreal (with a Buffalo perspective):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkNH0zyIgr8
All the best!
Ralph Hass (not Habs)
Jimmy Horton’s. Kinda like McDowell’s in Coming to America.
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