The Diachronic Barber Pole Observations of a Recovering Hockey Exile

Expressly Canadian (Game Five)

May 9, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Thoughts while watching the game again in compacted format

Paul Devorski – The People’s Words

May 8, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canadiens blurb. Official Triumphalism.

Russia vs. Slovakia

February 19, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

In front. Puck bobbling. Coverage bungles. Bryzgalov has trouble trapping it. Chaos of the seven-second near-crease variety occurs. The voices in the booth crack and stretch. Russia survives.

Vancouver Fedora

February 16, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Hockey poem. Olympics.

Montreal Canadiens vs Philadelphia Flyers

February 13, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Briere has a “my business here is done” look on his face as he settles onto the bench. It was done here a long time ago, bud. Now you’re just wasting everyone’s time. Must be nice. Four-gamer.

Montreal Canadiens vs Philadelphia Flyers

February 12, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Stick to Price’s mask as he lies on the ice. And the Flyers jam at it like witch-hunters. And it goes in. Hartnell’s pitchfork was sharpest.

Montreal Mystique Interviews Jean Béliveau

February 11, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Montreal Mystique Interviews Jean Béliveau (Dec 30, 2009). Béliveau may be the greatest captain the game has seen. He was offered the Governor Generalship of the country in the mid-nineties and remains an active Montreal Canadiens ambassador.

Montreal Canadiens vs Washington Capitals

February 11, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Demers talks about Neuvirth a bit. Then he references the NFL. He wants to know what the details are on injuries. Renaud Lavoie adds that in a serious league, we are told what is going on. Oh, get over it. In a league run by gambling interests, we are told what is going on. Be glad that this league, your NHL, doesn’t have the same type of transparency.

Twenty-Three

February 8, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canadiens poem. End of an era.

Bob Gainey May Step Down

February 8, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

My sources say that Montreal Canadiens general manager Bob Gainey may be stepping down.

Montreal Canadiens vs Boston Bruins

February 7, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

I think Steve Begin is going to coach in the NHL one day.

Montreal Canadiens vs Pittsburgh Penguins

February 6, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

We get a brief shot of the Pittsburgh bench. The grey ash of the crowd is behind the players' winking white helmets. And a balding dude who resembles Rick Tocchet is behind the Penguin players. I wonder how bad it all smells. Hockey is one of the most unpleasant-smelling of the sports.

Montreal Canadiens vs Boston Bruins

February 4, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Bruins move it out. They are bent raster and dusty spider; confused offensive.

Montreal Canadiens versus Vancouver Canucks

February 2, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canucks set it up. Pass goes to the slot. Sedin. For Sedin. I watch the back of the net. Old, haunted child reflex. It stays white. Whistle. Someone falls on Halak. Nothing else.

Montreal Canadiens versus Ottawa Senators

January 30, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

More Olympics-flavoured commercials. The experiment is a grand disaster already and threatens to be one of the great white elephants in Canadian history. It will be a worse economic blunder than the 1976 Olympics in Montreal. Felicitations.

What Do I Know About This Game?

January 29, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canadiens poem. Or

Montreal Canadiens versus Tampa Bay Lightning

January 27, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Not good enough. How do we know Cormier is a good kid? Just watch this kid, Cormier. Take a look at how he carries himself in the future. And look at the tape; see how he carried himself in the past. And then decide for yourself. Lots of guys don’t have track records. And yet they manage not to commit these kinds of attacks. Is Cormier as good as those kids? Mistakes don’t happen at random. They happen as part of a pattern of behaviour.

Montreal Canadiens versus Florida Panthers

January 26, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

We hear that Panther snarl over the PA system. If we didn’t have audio recording technology, somebody might have to provoke a panther after every goal. Another plus for technology. I guess they could provoke an ocelot or a very big housecat. All you’d need then is a megaphone. Hmm.

Montreal Canadiens versus New York Rangers

January 23, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Bettman and the Governors should have to ref games. You know. Just like how state governors should be on the front lines in Iraq. Get going. Oh. And get back to work you others over there. You slum-rogues.

Montreal Canadiens versus New Jersey Devils

January 22, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Then we see the rapidly declining Subway franchise try and convince us they are still cool and relevant. No. Maybe the odd location but as an entity, you have entered the Roman phase of your fast-food history.

Montreal Canadiens versus St. Louis Blues

January 21, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Referee Bill McCreary has such an earnest, honest woodsman’s face. Healthy grizzly mustache to go with it. Or do you prefer moustache?

Two For Roman

January 19, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canadiens poem. Roman.

Montreal Canadiens versus Dallas (Minnesota) Stars

January 14, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

This whole mob thing is very annoying. Why do we have to have the mob hanging around? And why does every country have a version? One day the universe will swallow something.

Leonid’s Derby

January 13, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Canadiens poem.

Montreal Canadiens versus New Jersey Devils

January 9, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Crowd rises like yeast. The smell is bitter. The ice is cold. The action is froth. Whistle. Commercial. Not a beer one.

Montreal Canadiens versus Florida Panthers

January 7, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

This guy in the Maple Leaf bacon commercial is a great actor. I can’t help but be creeped out by his “Mom, make me and my girlfriend some breakfast” shtick. This one isn’t dubbed and the French version features different actors and is more powerful than the English one. Because of this guy. Guys with curly hair have perceptual disadvantages (and advantages) that the rest of us don’t have.

Montreal Canadiens versus Washington Capitals

January 5, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Ted Leonsis, Washington’s chief cheese has that “I’m somebody” demeanour. He’s chewing on pistachios and wearing a Hugo Boss suit. Well, I don’t know what he’s chewing and the suit could easily be a Moore’s. Leonsis has a tan and very black hair. Deeply black.

Montreal Canadiens versus Buffalo Sabres

January 3, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Buffalo’s giveaways are so out of character that I wonder about all kinds of things. Buffalo is ranked second in the Eastern Conference and fourth in the league. For total points. Their giveaway-takeaway ratio is 435-229. That leaves them at -206, the third-worst rating in the NHL. Montreal is at -259 and Edmonton is worst at -282.

Montreal Mystique Interviews Ulf Nilsson

January 1, 2010, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Montreal Mystique interviews Ulf Nilsson. Part I of II.

Montreal Canadiens vs Ottawa Senators

December 28, 2009, by Homme De Sept-Iles

Halcyon. And the hitting increases. Crowd is blister and banana. Apes in heat. Whistle reduces the rabble.